I wish my health was better
I wish my head was better
I wish the weather was colder
I wish my thought weren't this heavy
I wish I could draw what I want, when I want, without being bonded
I wish I could get over this sadness of mine
I wish I could talk to my friends, and not only speak to them



I miss him.




Something doodled before going to bed.
SAI is acting weird.

Today I found out that the illusts I had to make for a magazine must be done by tomorrow night! OTL
I don't think I've ever spoken about this, but last december, last day before vacations, one of my school teachers (the son of my Bio ex-teacher) accidentally saw some of my drawing and told me if I was interested in drawing for a magazine. I had holidays after that and we barely never met in school, so I though they had forgot about me (I met the teacher again one or two times.. and reminded him LOL)
However last day of school, before summer vacation, he invited me to one of the meeting the magazine people have (I did my best to go there even if I had a bday party right after it OTL; I was unlucky the whole time). At that time, I had to show some my artworks to the director too, and he looked like he wasn't so convinced (it was mainly for the anime-syle I think, the magazine appers to be serious bussiness a very serious political one). The journalist were very nice tho, I though it would have been great to work with them (even if I don't write). After that, more than a month passed, and when I started thinking they had given up on the idea, I get a call and they tell me they want some illust for travelling articles.
I was very surprised, and quite pleased it also was about travelling <3

I didn't think it had to be ready for tomorrow tho! OTL Thankfully I email my teacher last night so I found out.
I don't know if they will be ok with chibi-style, but this was my idea. I hope the sketch I sent him now is fine.



ahaha megane <3

I wonder if they will decide to have more illustration for the next issues.. I'd be really happy to keep drawing for them (it looks like a get some money too *u*/ /shot)

EVEN SO. This makes me 10x busier. I planned on finishing a sample for when I will start commissions and I couldn't. Futhermore, I still have to do trades, collabs and a doujin collab with Billies OTL

So I promised no more procastinating or lurking till the end of summer. I hope I will be able to keep my oath sob


Sorry if my posts will eventually be very short from now on..

I completely abandoned the blog sob. I can't do a thing in this hot weather, it's helpless.
So many things have happened that i'd like to talk about, but everytime i tried to get on the computer, it was either slow or suffering, and it often crashed.
After a long-postponed back-up, I spent all Saturday's night saving my data and stuff, and finally asked my dad to format the pc. Seems like he had to work on its own tho, and the reset was delayed for two days OTL
But finally! It looks like it's fine now, it still hasn't made weird pained sounds and good things came:

• My pc is now faster, cleaner and more efficient
• It doesn't take 15 minutes to be ready when i turn it on, bur only a few minutes *u*
• Firefox doesn't log me out each time i close it *u*
• SAI works just fine

and also some well.. not-so-good things:

• klsdfkjhsdf Windows Live Messenger 2009 which made me spend two days on removing it and installing old version. I finally made it but it looked like a mission impossible. I really hate the new version.
• I lost all my emoticons on there, there were really some cool ones /cries
• I can't custmize the taskbar, there are some new things i don't need that are just getting in my way..

Also I don't know how to arrange my folders now. I think i need some kind of suggestion - how do you people keep your files?
I also realized there was so much stuff on my pc I didn't even needed.

See you soon again with Billies' visit report!

..so today the day is longer and the night is shorter here. Exactly one year ago, I was in Germany *nostalgy*

I can't even recall now what I did this week. Maybe it's becausei it's 9 am and I haven't slept this night.
But I don't feel tired and I'm also glad I didn't go to sleep, or I would have waked up really late and even more tired.

It's rained a little and at dawn it was quite chilly outside and the air was filled with a pleasant, fresh smell. I can feel all the dewdrops on the plants and the birds are still singing. Some groups of cloud pass by once in a while, and it means it might rain again today, which makes me really happy (I hope I don't get a cold tho).


I had breakfast (warm brioche with chocolate, a banana and a glass of fresh milk <3) and I''m now planning the things I need to do.
I'm trying to order them in the right way, so that I can accomplish everything as soon as possible.

Then, I need to

• finish the back up, SRSLY this time. And this means I won't have to lurk on pixiv or imageboads this week D:<
• finish a pair of wips
• find all the people I promised collab/trades to and FULLFILL THEM
• clean my message box in DA and MB
• Register a paypal account and start commissions
• (stop listening to De Andrè cos it make me so depressed OTL)

to start tho, I need to draw my entry for this week's challenge (late as always /slapped). I had the pciture in my mind for a long time now but.. I don't feel like drawing it since it would bring back sad memories and it kinda feels inappropriate. /head desk

-intermission-

kjdslgfkawjer SHE'S... FFFFF.-

A classmate of mine contacts me yesterday telling me our Maths teacher called her saying she's lost the Maths program.

the Maths program I wrote her, which gave me nerves more than once.
and she's lost it.
So she called her favourite pet, who wanted it FROM ME

/head desk

I tried to search the whole house for my USB key but I was unable to find it (I remember putting it somewhere to rest since I though I wouldn't need it for three freaking moths). The file might no longer be on there tho.

And it's no longer on my pc either.
This girl said it was a pity since I'd have to rewrite it.

ahaha

no way, girl.

SHE lose it, she does her own.
Or you do since she called YOU.

When I though things were settled another friend calls me, all worried because this girl told her to do the program, so she was also looking for the file from me. Seriously.
I told her she didn't have to worry and ranted a little about how unfair this whole thing was.

Then I text messaged lovely teacher's pet saying clearly that I don't have the file, implying it's not my business. thxbye.

JESUS.
I had to stand that girl and the teacher's injustices the whole year, until the. freaking. last. day. and they can't leave me alone EVEN now.

I'M ON MY F*CKING HOLIDAY Y'KNOW

-intermission ends here-


I always try to keep a hold my nerves, but this time I can't help being so upset.
I have to say I'm not that angry as I SHOULD BE about this whole thing.

On a brighter note
while this whole mess was happening, I succeded in finishing a random sketch for R5, and spend some time with my German friends before they left today.
They invited me to their place after their trip to Spain and mine to Austria, and I was so excited!
I was too fast on getting my hopes high since we checked the plane and train fees and they're terribly expensive

/despair

I really wish I could go back to Germany.. it is so heavenly there.

Then again, Elissa said she is able to come over on her autumn holidays so I might be able to see her in October.

BTW, thanks to her I've been listening to a lot of Snow Patrol. I knew they were great and loved Chasing Cars, but they songs.. are all so beautiful ;v;

R5 theme: Epic fall 8D